


The Beauty of Epithets

by Persiflager



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Bad Fic, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-12
Updated: 2013-09-12
Packaged: 2017-12-26 09:24:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/964300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persiflager/pseuds/Persiflager
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A case prompts a surprising change in Sherlock and John's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Beauty of Epithets

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/15253.html?thread=87882133%20-%20t87882133) on the kink meme.

Sherlock finished deducing and stood, breathless, in the middle of the room. The light stopped glinting on the corpse and went to flaunt itself on his knife-like cheekbones before leaving to seduce the shorter man's blond-ish golden locks (because the light was a hussy like that), and finally heading off to the other side of the room for a dirty hook-up with the silver threads of the middle-sized man.

"That," said the little fair man admiringly, "was so fantastic that it made me hard for you. And I say that heterosexually."

"John," said the detective mendaciously. "I have to tell you something. You won't have guessed this, because you're an idiot like everyone else, but I am ..... a virgin."

"Gosh," said the army doctor shockedly, "that is a genuine surprise that I would never have guessed."

"Take me now, John," said the curly-haired man in a deep growly voice.

"Ok," said the BAMF obediently, because he was so very good at obeying orders.

They took off their clothes lustily and stared at each other's penises hungrily.

"Exactly as I deduced," said the clever man smugly. "Your penis is just like you - short, thick and a little bit bent."

"And yours is long and skinny with a massive head," said the less-clever man snarkily.

Then they did it. It was so amazing that it cured the soldier's trust issues and gave the sociopath feelings.

"John," said the no-longer-virgin apologetically, "now that I've got these feelings, I must confess that I lied about being a virgin. I only said it because I had deduced that it would turn you on. I'm actually something of a ho."

"Oh dear," said the tiny doctor sadly, "how will I ever forgive you?"

"Do you forgive me, John?" said the thinner man beggingly.

"Yes," said the jumper-clad man stoically. They shared a tender cuddle.

"What," said the medium-sized silver-haired man, "the ever-loving fuck was that?"

"That," said the stupid-faced wanker, "was what I call contaminating a crime scene."

"Worth it," said the mean woman (who was Sally).


End file.
